What I want my students to know...
"Ms. Taylor hates Robin Thicke. And Miley Cyrus." These were the words my students busted out with when Matt Wertz (an awesome singer/songwriter who graciously visited our class last week) gave them a quizzical look after an off-handed comment about Thicke. I didn't really deny it. I don't hate them as people per se. I more hate what I see their messages doing to my kids.
Between my classes, the writing center, and coaching, I talk to hundreds of kids every year, and the more time I spend with them, the more they become my kids--the cause of my worry, the audience for my unsolicited advice, the people I am cheering for as they decide what it means to be a good human--an adult. And the longer I teach, the more vocal I become about messages from pop culture that concern me. And when I see my students absorbing lies about their value or place in society, I begin to panic a bit. I fear they are buying in to a dangerous understanding of who they are.
So here is my list of what I wish my students knew:
1. Miley is wrong. Her "Look, I'm a grown-up!" move presents a false sense of what it means to be an adult. "We Can't Stop" gives my students the idea that being a grown-up means you do whatever you want when quite the opposite is true. Being a grown-up means that you do what is best for those you love. And quite often it is not what you want to do. Ask any responsible parent or any gainfully employed adult. The telltale sign that you have reached adulthood is your ability to deny your impulses and do the right thing--for yourself, for your community, for others in need.
2. Miley is wrong a lot. Yes--I used those two words that English teachers hate--but they're appropriate here. She's wrong A LOT. She is also wrong to assume that being an adult woman means that you put your sexuality on display in disgusting ways in very public settings. I want my girls to understand that they have so much to offer society--they don't have to run around literally naked to get people to notice them. And I want them to know that if they choose to do that, that will be the only thing people will notice. I also want them to know, that as a woman, what one of them does affects the rest of us. If one female musician creates an expectation that female musicians must be hyper-sexual to sell albums, it makes it more difficult for other women to make it without meeting that expectation. And, if several women in the public eye portray themselves as nothing more than an object, they perpetuate an idea of women that makes all of us more likely to be viewed as objects. You can say I'm wrong here, but if I watch TV and see, repeatedly, that socks are supposed to go on my feet, I will probably come to believe that if I see a pair of socks at the store, they are meant to go on my feet.
3. Robin Thicke is also wrong. He's wrong in ways that really scare me. And make me mad--I love the rhythm of his song, and I wish I could listen to it, but the words make my stomach hurt. I'm not the first to say this, but I'm going to put it out there because I'm not sure we can say this often enough. He's wrong in a few ways--here's the first one. His idea that all women secretly "want it" and that women in committed relationships are just waiting for someone to set them free is offensive. Encouraging people to spend all summer with a song stuck in their heads that teaches men that women are always asking for it is a horrible idea. It goes against years of women working to establish that women are perfectly capable of expressing themselves, and that, when they do, their choices should be respected.
4. He's also wrong to perpetuate an idea that "good girls" are really just women waiting for someone to deflower them. This is such a slap in the face to women who want to be seen as more than someone to play with on Saturday night. Those of us who choose to dress appropriately because we want people to have meaningful conversations with us or those of us who have visions for our lives that include being part of industries traditionally controlled by men really need people to stop encouraging this way of viewing women. We can't win with this. Most women, I would bet, present themselves as equals in the workforce and want to be in relationships that are based on more than sexual desire, but songs like this portray women that choose to not be overly-sexual simply as women "pretending" to be "good girls." If this is the case, women don't stand a chance at true equality--especially if, as this song sets it up, men are the ones that get to define who we are. We can never truly enter the conversations that matter or have a serious role in leadership because our male counterparts will continue to believe that we are secretly just waiting to be unleashed. All women should find this repulsive.
So if Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus shouldn't be calling the shots, who do I want my students to listen to?
I want them to listen to my friends that have jobs they love. I want them to listen to the women who started a non-profit to raise awareness about African Americans who go missing and don't get covered in the news (http://www.blackandmissinginc.com/cdad/). I want them to listen to a chef who wants to create a better community through his local business (http://sillygoosenashville.com/). I want them to listen to my parents talk about the books that help them see the world differently. And all of these awesome adults have given up their time to help my students see the world differently. And I am forever grateful. Last week Mr. Wertz gave up his morning to chat with us, so I thought I would give a few reasons why I would prefer for my students to think of someone like that when they think of what grown-ups look like.
http://www.themochaclub.org/2007/02/02/matt-wertz-processing-uganda/
So why does this guy represent what I want them to know about adulthood. Here are a few reasons:
1. The picture above--I wanted my students to talk to someone who sees popularity as a way to get important work done. There is a whole group of artists who use a small part of their time on stage to promote work in Africa, work to support kids in need, or organizations that care for the disabled. They see fame as a way to make the world a better place. Those are the people I want my students to see--people who don't see the spotlight as simply a place to make themselves more famous.
2. He writes songs about women that show a respect for them. For example,
Songs about good girls being something desirable for more than a fun night out are much needed and appreciated--songs that celebrate women who have positive attributes besides their measurements. And songs that talk about good girls in a non-creepy way are also appreciated. I want these messages to be the ones they hear and respond to. I want them to believe that men can really value women for their hearts and their personalities--not just their ability to twerk. And I want my male students to know that women respect men who respect women--not just men who promise to buy them crap (Yes TI, I'm talking to you).
3. He writes songs that discuss more parts of a relationship than just the initial "Hey! I saw you and thought you were hot!" stage. For example:
4. And songs that place a bit of an emphasis on love built over time--not simply attraction leading to someone getting used. For example,
So, for these reasons, I would much prefer it if the voices in their heads sounded a bit more like this and a bit less like this:
(picture from: http://www.buzz12.com/miley-cyrus-marketing-folks-can-learn-from-her/)
I will now do what grown-ups do--get back to work. Those essays aren't going to grade themselves. Although if someone knows of an app for that, please let me know.
Between my classes, the writing center, and coaching, I talk to hundreds of kids every year, and the more time I spend with them, the more they become my kids--the cause of my worry, the audience for my unsolicited advice, the people I am cheering for as they decide what it means to be a good human--an adult. And the longer I teach, the more vocal I become about messages from pop culture that concern me. And when I see my students absorbing lies about their value or place in society, I begin to panic a bit. I fear they are buying in to a dangerous understanding of who they are.
So here is my list of what I wish my students knew:
1. Miley is wrong. Her "Look, I'm a grown-up!" move presents a false sense of what it means to be an adult. "We Can't Stop" gives my students the idea that being a grown-up means you do whatever you want when quite the opposite is true. Being a grown-up means that you do what is best for those you love. And quite often it is not what you want to do. Ask any responsible parent or any gainfully employed adult. The telltale sign that you have reached adulthood is your ability to deny your impulses and do the right thing--for yourself, for your community, for others in need.
2. Miley is wrong a lot. Yes--I used those two words that English teachers hate--but they're appropriate here. She's wrong A LOT. She is also wrong to assume that being an adult woman means that you put your sexuality on display in disgusting ways in very public settings. I want my girls to understand that they have so much to offer society--they don't have to run around literally naked to get people to notice them. And I want them to know that if they choose to do that, that will be the only thing people will notice. I also want them to know, that as a woman, what one of them does affects the rest of us. If one female musician creates an expectation that female musicians must be hyper-sexual to sell albums, it makes it more difficult for other women to make it without meeting that expectation. And, if several women in the public eye portray themselves as nothing more than an object, they perpetuate an idea of women that makes all of us more likely to be viewed as objects. You can say I'm wrong here, but if I watch TV and see, repeatedly, that socks are supposed to go on my feet, I will probably come to believe that if I see a pair of socks at the store, they are meant to go on my feet.
3. Robin Thicke is also wrong. He's wrong in ways that really scare me. And make me mad--I love the rhythm of his song, and I wish I could listen to it, but the words make my stomach hurt. I'm not the first to say this, but I'm going to put it out there because I'm not sure we can say this often enough. He's wrong in a few ways--here's the first one. His idea that all women secretly "want it" and that women in committed relationships are just waiting for someone to set them free is offensive. Encouraging people to spend all summer with a song stuck in their heads that teaches men that women are always asking for it is a horrible idea. It goes against years of women working to establish that women are perfectly capable of expressing themselves, and that, when they do, their choices should be respected.
4. He's also wrong to perpetuate an idea that "good girls" are really just women waiting for someone to deflower them. This is such a slap in the face to women who want to be seen as more than someone to play with on Saturday night. Those of us who choose to dress appropriately because we want people to have meaningful conversations with us or those of us who have visions for our lives that include being part of industries traditionally controlled by men really need people to stop encouraging this way of viewing women. We can't win with this. Most women, I would bet, present themselves as equals in the workforce and want to be in relationships that are based on more than sexual desire, but songs like this portray women that choose to not be overly-sexual simply as women "pretending" to be "good girls." If this is the case, women don't stand a chance at true equality--especially if, as this song sets it up, men are the ones that get to define who we are. We can never truly enter the conversations that matter or have a serious role in leadership because our male counterparts will continue to believe that we are secretly just waiting to be unleashed. All women should find this repulsive.
So if Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus shouldn't be calling the shots, who do I want my students to listen to?
I want them to listen to my friends that have jobs they love. I want them to listen to the women who started a non-profit to raise awareness about African Americans who go missing and don't get covered in the news (http://www.blackandmissinginc.com/cdad/). I want them to listen to a chef who wants to create a better community through his local business (http://sillygoosenashville.com/). I want them to listen to my parents talk about the books that help them see the world differently. And all of these awesome adults have given up their time to help my students see the world differently. And I am forever grateful. Last week Mr. Wertz gave up his morning to chat with us, so I thought I would give a few reasons why I would prefer for my students to think of someone like that when they think of what grown-ups look like.
http://www.themochaclub.org/2007/02/02/matt-wertz-processing-uganda/
So why does this guy represent what I want them to know about adulthood. Here are a few reasons:
1. The picture above--I wanted my students to talk to someone who sees popularity as a way to get important work done. There is a whole group of artists who use a small part of their time on stage to promote work in Africa, work to support kids in need, or organizations that care for the disabled. They see fame as a way to make the world a better place. Those are the people I want my students to see--people who don't see the spotlight as simply a place to make themselves more famous.
2. He writes songs about women that show a respect for them. For example,
Songs about good girls being something desirable for more than a fun night out are much needed and appreciated--songs that celebrate women who have positive attributes besides their measurements. And songs that talk about good girls in a non-creepy way are also appreciated. I want these messages to be the ones they hear and respond to. I want them to believe that men can really value women for their hearts and their personalities--not just their ability to twerk. And I want my male students to know that women respect men who respect women--not just men who promise to buy them crap (Yes TI, I'm talking to you).
3. He writes songs that discuss more parts of a relationship than just the initial "Hey! I saw you and thought you were hot!" stage. For example:
4. And songs that place a bit of an emphasis on love built over time--not simply attraction leading to someone getting used. For example,
So, for these reasons, I would much prefer it if the voices in their heads sounded a bit more like this and a bit less like this:
(picture from: http://www.buzz12.com/miley-cyrus-marketing-folks-can-learn-from-her/)
I will now do what grown-ups do--get back to work. Those essays aren't going to grade themselves. Although if someone knows of an app for that, please let me know.
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