Thoughts on a Pandemic

 After months of not seeing my family, I finally found a way to safely (or as safely as you can do anything these days) get home to see them. 

One day while I was in town, my aunt came to visit and we went to put flowers on my grandparents' graves. As we were walking through the cemetery and looking at the headstones of other family members, I realized how little I knew about many of my family members, and I also started thinking about all of the historical events they had survived. 

I've been thinking for a while that it makes sense to pause and record my thoughts on this pandemic in case, a few generations from now, my family members want to know what this strange time was like. 

In case you want to take a bit of time and record your own snapshot of this time, here are the questions I will answer:

1. When did you first hear about COVID-19? What were your initial thoughts? 

2. Was there a moment in time, a day or an event that really caused you to understand the magnitude of what was happening? 

3. What habits did you change in response to the virus?

4. What was the hardest part of the pandemic (for you, for your community, for your country)? 

5. What brought you joy/helped ease the burden of it?

6. What are changes you have made that you hope will stick with you after this time? 

7. What did you see happening in your community that concerned you? 

8. What did you see happening in your community that was a sign of hope?

9. What is something you really look forward to doing once it is safe again? 

Okay--so here are my answers. 

1. I'm not sure when I first heard about it, but I feel like it became a topic of conversation in January. As I think a lot of people did, I tried to make myself feel better by saying that this was an outbreak in a far away place. I thought of Zika and Ebola, and I told myself that this was really sad, but it would probably stay over there. I also heard people saying that this was no different than the flu, so I clung to that. It was probably mid-February when I started to think that this was going to be a problem. And I vividly remember listening to NPR on the way home from school when they announced that COVID-19 had been declared a pandemic. That felt real and heavy. 

2. This might sound dumb, but I remember watching online when the Thunder/Jazz game was strangely delayed. They weren't clearing out the crowd, so I knew it wasn't any kind of violent threat. But there was such a strange weight in the air as the announcers said that they didn't really know what was going on, but the players had been paused right before tip-off. When the announcers came back and said that the game was called off, and it later came out that there had been a case within the Jazz locker room, it felt different. The suspension of the NBA that came soon after seemed like the first sign that things were changing. I remember feeling really uncomfortable at school after that as I saw how crowded our halls were. We were keeping things as clean as we could and trying to keep a distance whenever possible, but it just didn't seem like enough. It was only a few days later that they moved us to distance learning. 

3. It feels like all of my habits changed overnight. And for the first few months, it felt like you didn't really know what habits to change, how to change them, how dramatically to change them, etc. There were people wiping down all of their groceries, sanitizing Amazon packages, etc. I started only going to the grocery store once a week and trying to go really early in the morning to avoid crowds and take advantage of restocked shelves (people were all about baking and cooking, so spices and flour and yeast were in short supply for a while--we won't even talk about toilet paper). Because different things were out of stock at different times, I kept stocking up. My fridge was unusually full. Now (in August), things seem to have normalized. I was strangely happy when I found basil the last time I went to the store. One time, I went to the store, and they didn't have spinach. I went back by the produce section before I left, and it had been restocked. I literally squealed and said, "Oh yay! Spinach." I really didn't see that response coming. 

I took the stairs in my building for a while, but I was on the tenth floor, so that wasn't going to last long. :) There were also obvious changes--school moved online, church moved online, hanging out with friends became either an outdoor activity like walking or became a Zoom call. We were lucky in Alexandria because we had surprisingly nice weather during the spring, so people could get outside, go for walks, etc. Once we were told to wear masks, I started collecting those. At first my mom sent me one she had made, and it was great, but having to wash it so often was annoying, so I got more. It was funny, because after a while, I had my favorites and the ones I used only when the other ones were dirty. It was kind of fun to see people's personalities coming out (sometimes) in the masks they chose to wear.  

This time has also been a strange time because I moved into a small apartment in November and hadn't worried about it because I was planning on spending most of my waking hours outside of the apartment--at work, out with friends, or at church. And then suddenly, my apartment became my work space, gym, church, and social event space. I took up Barre and started doing yoga again and even began running again. I think I'm enjoying my time running because for those minutes, life feels kinda normal. Aside from having a mask around my wrist, the rest of running feels the same as it would during any other time. 

I think the greatest habit that's been added to my life is/was morning and evening prayer on Zoom with a local church. The uncertainty surrounding all of this was really scary, so having time, twice a day, to talk to other Christians, pray and read scripture really helped. 

4. I think the hardest part (so far) is the uncertainty. Not knowing how long this will last, how the people you love will be affected, how to best help others, and how to keep  yourself safe is tough for everyone. And giving people grace as they sometimes don't handle all of that well is tough. And being honest enough to realize when I'm not handling it well is important. It's also been disheartening to see people in the country dismiss this as a scam. In a time when we can love other people and sacrifice our own comforts for others, it's been hard to see people (especially Christians) choose to be selfish. 

There are so many people that have faced harder things during this time--unemployment, illness, social and emotional impacts of being away from others--so I feel like I have been fortunate. It was also hard, during the first 4 months, to be away from my family--particularly my parents. Once I got to go home and see them, things got better for me. Leaving them at the end of my time home was really hard and felt so strange given the uncertainty of when I would be able to see them again and the general concern about their health. 

5. Seeing people's creativity brought me joy--the way musicians like Yo-Yo Ma played to bring people joy gave me joy. DC Nice starting Club Quarantine and the way people reacted to it was awesome to see. Seeing the ways that people in the community came together to meet other people's needs gave me hope. Finding creative ways to have fun with friends through Zoom game nights gave me joy. Weekly Zoom hangouts with my family encouraged me. My friend arranged for a bunch of friends to send me sweet videos on my birthday, and that was amazing. I've been baked some, and I was still able to get fresh strawberries and peaches to make jam. Any moment when things feel normal--even for a moment--is a welcome break. The baby animals being born at the zoo during the late spring and summer have been a good distraction, but they've also been a reminder that life goes on, even in the midst of such a tough time. 

6. I hope I will keep this sense that life can move at a slower pace...that I don't have to be busy all the time. I hope I will keep the idea that it's the people you spend time with --not just what you do with them--that matters. I hope we will keep this reverence for frontline workers and people that work in often invisible fields that keep life moving. 

7. I was saddened by seeing so many people in need. The number of people seeking rent assistance or support from food banks was hard to see, especially knowing that the help I could give paled in comparison to the need. It's also been heartbreaking to read so many stories about the way this virus has destroyed people's health, livelihoods, etc. 

8. I love seeing local churches take action to help their neighbors. As much as the national news has focused on churches refusing to close or Christians protesting, the local churches I knew all focused on food banks, rent assistance, and figuring out how to offer things like prayer support on Zoom. I saw a former church of mine turn the lobby of their beautiful, newly-opened church building into a huge warehouse for food donations and distribution. 

9. I miss baseball games--even with the heat and the crowds and the definitely uncertain outcome, I really miss a night at Nats Park. 

 Okay--so some of this is in past tense, and some is in present. But I didn't want to wait until things get "back to normal" to try to record this. And now it's on this often unused blog, but at least it's here for now.